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The helicopter flew over the home I was renting shining its blindingly bright light.  As I crawled slowly on my hands and knees in the illuminated front yard, a moment of clarity formed that was both literal and metaphorical. In that moment, I saw a preview of the  life ahead of me. It was more and more of the sad samenes...   

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Sometimes the dramatic is needed to get our attention...

 

Numbing the emotional and physical pain with addictions to substances, to people, to appearing okay despite feeling a hollow shell was no longer working. And numbing especially to the belief that something was intrinsically wrong with me. That I myself was wrong. But if I tried hard enough, I could become perfect enough to earn a seat with all the others that seemed to intuitively know how to be in this confusing world.

 

From that day on, I was guided and aided on a journey that is still unfolding. The journey wasn't a straight line and there have been lots of loops and switchbacks. In those early days, I immediately felt so much better physically.  But as the feeling better physically came and stayed, then I was also better able to feel all of emotional feelings that I successfully suppressed with substances and people. The coping mechanisms that worked in the past, were now becoming a hindrance. And a little at a time, the rawness healed and things improved. And for a time, that was enough.

 

Down the road a ways I was diagnosed with adult ADHD. I met a wonderful ADHD coach who told me I wasn't wrong and flawed. That I had, among other things, an inappropriate relationship with time. There were many new ways to engage and, wonder of wonders, I could show up when I was supposed to. Timeliness became more of the main than the exception. And for a time, that was enough.

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In recovery from mind altering substances, I began working with a therapist who told me he would not continue to treat me if I did not also embrace recovery for my challenges with interpersonal relationships. I am forever grateful as the inability to connect to other humans in a meaningful way, is a main reason for substance relapse. I learned so much about relating to others. And for a time, that was enough.

 

There were many years of anxiety and a niggling feeling of being a fraud. Maybe I over-faked it to make it. Some of the anxiety I felt was about being discovered to be a fraud, and some of the anxiety was about never truly being known. How could anyone know me if I was afraid to know myself. That belief that I needed to be perfect still came up to greet me in the most inopportune moments.

 

And guess what? I was found out. I found out that there was even more kindness that was needed and a loving heart directed at myself, for my humanness, for my still evolving self. I came to know many times at deeper levels that perfection wasn't going to happen and even better - to let go of the search for it.

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In a lovely paradox, with a kind and loving heart for myself, the kindness automatically radiates toward others. The need for setting boundaries, for toning it down, for needing to speak up, for serving more, for serving less...

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The madness of trying to figure it all out got so much easier when I was free to just be me.

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I don't have all the answers. I don't have your answers. But I can facilitate your connection using psycho-spiritual tools to help you find yours. Psychospiritual methods involve engaging the soul, intellect, and spirit to help heal and move beyond problematic life patterns, and overcoming traumatic life experiences.

 

I've worked in many healing modalities in the more than thirty years of being free from mind altering substances and more than fifteen  years of healing from the challenges of interpersonal relationships, over working, and hiding from intimacy. Below are just a few of the ways I have trained that may be of service to you.

 

Let's set up a time to talk. There is no cost for finding out more about how I might be of service to you. You can see more about my services at my other websites: Whisper of Trees Wellness and Connected Consciousness.